韩佩伶 PeiLing ♥'s profile♥ All those nostalgia &...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
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♥ All those nostalgia & indelible memories ♥ ● 那些甜蜜但伤心的记忆 ●Malign is what I got from love. ♪ 你曾没爱过我 ♪ June 09 The truth isnt important anymoreI was working yesterday at CWP and Alex went to look for me to get back his stuff and accompany me for a lunch at pizza hut ! Spoke to Alex about what happened between me & him*, Alex is also trying to put good words for him* too. However, I guess everything is too late. After being used to those heartbreaking stuff for one year plus, I'm numb. The day he* went away, he* maligned me without finding out the truth, abandoned me at the road side when I got drunk and didnt have the ability to walk at all, and hearing those rumours about him* telling tales about me. What I heard from him* on Thrusday morning was different from what L told me. I really dont know who to believe after being used to such stuff and everything has being fixed. Who is speaking the truth isnt important anymore, because I'm used to it, and maybe to him*, I deserve it. I knew where I stand, at a lousy position. I had tried to devote myself into studies and work, but now, it seems to be raking my thoughts and feel. Should I pursue the truth, or hide myself and stay away? If he* is telling the true, had I hurt his feelings with my crude replies? If he*'s telling lies, how should I react? I dont wish to breakdown and cry again like before. Should I continue to believe that he is crude to me or find out everything? Tell me what should I do? He* used to mean so much to me. There isnt any word which can describe my feelings right now, there's a mixture of sour, pain, urge which numbed my heart. After work, I met Jieying, Justin and their friends at Cineleisure to slack, after awhile Zixian & his friends came but I left soon after as I was rather tired. Got a good new from my sales rep, on Monday and Tuesday I'll be going to Marina Square Kose & Fasio to work. It is to train me to be more familiar with those Kose products and to see whether I can be pomoted to Kose or not. Be sure, I'll memorize all the products, the pricing and the uses and try to get into Kose with all my might. Will be wearing black for monday & Tuesday, friends do come and visit me ok? Meanwhile, I shouldnt neglect my studies. I will be taking off on next Wednesday, Thrusday and next next Monday to Thrusday for my homeworks and revision. Most of all, I shouldnt neglect my Geography, drilling my Science & POA at the same time. June 08 Useless family ~ All are fakeSometimes, I really dislike my family especially somebody. I'm typing these now in my friends house who let me in to stay over a night, if not I'll be sleeping in the street again. I told my parents that I would be coming home quite early and ask them not to lauch the door and they agreed. So, obviously the person who do it heard it since e was present too and was the same person who swapped my thumbdrive and stolen my calculator then blame me for losing it when that person is a thief! My life now is even worst than a stray dog. When I go back home early, people choose to lock me outside the house. I called for 15mins, and all of them are deaf. I had enough. Not I dont wanna go home, is you people dont wanna let me in. My house nearby and surrounding is so eerie, my neighbour's house always play those funeral song in the night and on red light. WTH and it's always so windy. All I could do is to follow those bangala to walk to a brighter place. I'm scare, having a home is not like a home to me. People just like to pick on me and frame me. June 07 Disparue ~ Sometimes I really hope that I can vanish from this worldOn Tuesday night, we went to Kampong Glam with the school. The place was quite unique or retro actually with rich cutural history. When the tour guide told us about the potianak's story, Miss Toh appeared behind me. Lols ~ When nightfalls, we went to the mini graveyard of the royal princess and others. It's boring, no ghost and not scary at all. Some of the girls in my class were freak out, dont know why? Maybe they can sense it? Or is because of my presence? I didnt know, but I still can guess which is the most possible answer. I did all I should do, I didnt mention about those scary stuff there, just kept quiet and play with my balloons. Wednesday night, I went all the way to Simei to borrow an ez link card from a friend in order to get into velvet dragon to club. As the only club I could get in with my age is Teddy beez which fighting always occurs and dampen the atmosphere. Got into velvet dragon with Alex. Dance awhile and relaxed awhile, slack all the way at the end. The most lucky thing is that we even saw 'Norbit's wife' dancing seductive dance in the cage. Till around 5am, we went to a Chinatown coffeeshop for a breakfast, but I went off and back home. He* was with Alex. As what I said before, let's take as we didnt know each other from the start. I didnt intend to talk to him from the start and when his friend wanna cheers with me in the club, I shaked by head and moved away. I'm unfriendly towards those innocent person and mean to him, but what can I do? I cant forget what I was been told and I dont know who to listen to and trust. When I reached home and online, he msg-ed me in Msn. He told me if I'm so unwilling to see him, I can ask Alex to arrange so that we wouldnt met each other. I ponder awhile and replied. I tell him how can I communicate with him when I heard from L what he had said to her about me. Seriously, I dont know how to face him and I didnt have the courage to look at him or talk to him face to face anymore. I remembered bits and pieces of those nostalgia past. We ended up quarrel over those past, clarifying those misunderstanding. I even told him let's take as he dont even know me ; how mean and nasty I'm. Feeling so uncomfortable after saying these, but everything was too late. However, it's know longer important to clarifying anything anymore. Everyone statements seems to have loopholes. I'm used to listen to lies, I dont know who to trust. I just left everything in a mess, and hide myself. I used to all these things, so what's the point of raking up the past again? I'm confused. I didnt know what to do and sms-ed Joanne to ask her out for a chit-chat session. She didnt reply, guess she's busy with her BF again. Where did my true friend goes to? Are they gone? I'm feeling so vulnerable and down right now. Where are you guys when I need you all? June 05 Offers at Marina Square's John littleI was rather busy working and studying this few days which doesnt allows me to blog. Went to marina square to work on Saturday and Sunday. The sales there was very good. On Saturday, I was selling those KOSE products with Helen and I earn a commission of nearly $60 plus my basic pay $76 which means I earn $136 in a day. Wooah that's good, but I was so shagged that I took a cab home after 10.30pm when I actually have to work till 12am for the midnight sales. Luckily I didnt stay back for the midnight sales as Helen work till 2am ! The total sales we got was near to 3K. I bought 10 pieces of mask for myself and sms-ed all my friends to inform them about the sales as it was really worth it. Actually, 1 box of KOSE masks which consist of 5 pieces cost $25, but it was selling at BUY 1 GET 1 FREE now, so I'll definitely join those aunties to grap for it.  Sunday's saes wasnt that good. After work, I went home to bath & change. Relaxed awhile and met Wendy, Joanne & Wendy's BF for supper. Wendy's BF, joseph drove us to EAST coast for our supper and he drive us home straight after that. On the way back home, Joseph fall asleep and we nearly get into a car accident as he drove very fast and it was very near to the wall when he wake up. He gave a left turn straight away to prevent the car from kissing the wall and I fall onto the left side of the car, pressing joanne against the windscreen. Then, he turned right again to prevent the car from going too left, and I fall back onto my original seat which joanne pressing against me. Wooah that's a real cool experience when I finally understand how strong is the impact caused by car accident. Monday's lessons were rather dry, went home for a nap straight after lessons. I was waken up by Meijuan's call when she came to my house and we meet to go town to slack with Justin they all. Had pizza hut's dinner in plaza singapura and we met justin, zixian, kenny and their friend. Slacked awhile, justin went off, meijuan went off too for her BF. Hais ~ It's like so long I didnt get to meet my best friend Meijuan, we are still as close as before however I can sense that there's a gap between the life I'm leading now, and her's. Meijuan is busying with her sensible BF, job and studies now and had no time for me. While I'm busying for my studies and work now, with lots of free time and feeling bored and lonely all the time. I really envy her life. I'm a loner afterall. Then, I joined zixian & kenny to slack awhile and saw kailin ( pussy ). Yeah so happy, I have being longing to see her as we last met about a few months ago. Kenny & zixian keep making fun of my baby teeths saying that, ' Why your teeths so small huh?' Lols but so far I only got about 5-6 adult teeths which means I might be a 'BO gay' in the future. After that, home sweet home.  Kenny kissing Mac Donald  Same goes to zixian.. We had Physics practical today, and it's fun !  I look like a ball when smiling.  June 01 Trip to the graveyardYesterday was Vesak's eve, out of boredom, I asked Elaine & Justin out. We went to Marina Square to slack and then to Toa Payoh. We were so bored to the extent that we walked all the way till thosom road nearby where there's a graveyard. When we reached there, nobody wanna enter. Justin wanted to enter, but not much people wanna go in to the graveyard with him as it was really very eerie. The atmosphere was there, and it looks like a forest with tombstone all around, very very dark. Actually, I wanna enter too, but Justin told me something which freaked me out. He said, ' Imagine the 8 of us saw nothing in the graveyard except for tombstones, which there were 100+ of spirit standing there watching at us and asking us to come and join them'. Wth I really imagine that and I was freaked out. After that, we cabbed back to Toa Payoh to slack and eat my breakfast. At about 4 plus, Elaine's Mr ham arrived and he drove us home. Sorry Elaine & Justin, I must had made both of you bored yesterday due to my stubbornness of not wanting to go home. Sorry Miss cheese and Mr monkey. Reached home and went to bed till 3+pm then wake up. While I was sleeping in the morning, mum came into my room and she saw part of my newly covered tattoo due to my ugly sleeping position. Immediately, she pulled my clothes up and see the whole piece of tattoo which was made to cover up my previous tattoo. I continued to sleep and ignored her as I was far too tired. Till I wake up, I knew it was time for me to meet my doom. Yet mum didnt scold me, she just ask me why I put that, and I told her is to cover up my old tattoo and I gonna laser my tattoo at the back soon. Wash up and went to work for stock take. Tiring day, after stock taking, I went home and online till now. Wasnt feel good right now. Out of a sudden, I recall the past. How he abandoned me, how he treat me, what he told him friend and what he told that cheap woman L. I just cant forget, I hate him like hell, I detest him, why should he treat me like that? Once bitten, twice shy. To Mr W, I'm a cold blooded woman, I dont loves guy and dont need them. Telling me that you are sick or admitted to hospital doesnt move me at all. Stop wasting time on me, I wouldnt pick up your calls or reply your sms. May 29 Relaxing after Chinese examinationWent to clarke quay's Central mall to slack with Elaine. Had our dinner at a restaurant and it cost us $50+. My heart pain, there goes my money. I ate a corn & cheese noodles, ice cream & red wine. The only which taste nice is the ice cream. Hahas then slacked at the riverside with Elaine untill her Mr Ham arrived and we proceed to Toa Payoh to meet Justin. He was very very shag & tired, yet was dragged out by me, Sorry. While slacking with Elaine they all, her god brother Ken & her friend appeared and we end up slacking together. Soon after that, Justin left as he was too tired. Slacked awhile and cabbed home with Elaine and her ham. Thanks Elaine for accompany me the whole night. =) After school today, I went to Weifong's house to cover up my tattoo on my tummy. He covered it with a phoenix. Only outline and part of the shading is done today. The next session will be background & shading, next next session will be colour. =) When I earn enough money, I will laser my tattoo which is on my back as it's the only tattoo which can be seen when I'm wearing a tube top. It might affect my future job, therefore laser it will be a better choice than cover up.  Elaine  Me May 27 I hate it when others malign me, no guessing game please.Helped out 'meet the parent session' with Yiling yesterday. It's rather fun ask we were chatting with our classmates and some of their's parents. Some results were really good, but some are really worst for example a straight F9. After that then went to work and then meet Wendy & Joanne they all at Orchard. Seriously, I miss them alot, all of them have boyfriend then dont want me. Sad * Lols. Meet them at Balcony again and relax awhile. Waited for Elaine, but she didnt turn up as her friends were at boatquay drinking. Sians.. Meet Justin and his friends instead. Slacked around till morning then home sweet home. I wasnt in a good mood all along, but their funny actions makes me laughed and feel abit better. Received a call from Yvonne when I was at cine with Justin they all. Heard from her that Wuiping told her ex that I said Yvonne goes clubbing and dance with lot of guys at once, revealing clothes and hong around. Well, that's not true and I didnt say it at all. Firstly, I didnt see before yvonne dance with alot of guys at once, so how am I going to say that? Secondly, Yvonne either always wear dress with tights, or shirt and jeans, so when did I say it's revealing when I think it's too conservative ( 保守 ). Thirdly, I'm not that stupid to tell Wuiping that Yvonne hong when she has a BF. I sms-ed Wuiping to tell him I'm pissed at what he had say, did I ever say that Yvonne dance with alot of guys at once? He replied, 'What? I never said that you said it k! I only tell her bf tat she go clubbing than sure got boys bao her wat. make things clear first. relax.' Well, tell me how am I going to relax when Wuiping said that his point of view ( I only tell her bf tat she go clubbing than sure got boys bao her wat. ) was what I said when I didnt even say it? I was really upset that friends would just malign me without finding out the facts. I dont wanna spoil a friendship, but guess it was spoilt now. I forward-ed the sms Wuiping sent me to Yvonne to clear the misunderstanding. No more of guessing game please, and please, dont include me into your guessing games. When I reached home, something bad happened again. My new thumbdrive was gone, replaced with another red thumbdrive which was not mine. All the best I had, was either always swapped with others lousy one, or gone into other's pocket. Same goes to me calculator. I put my new calculator in my school bag and left it at home, it can also gone missing. When I told my mum about that, and I get a new calculator again for my N level examination last year, I was scolded by the one who actually took my calculator away. I saw it in my bare eyes it somebody's room as the new calculator looks different from the old calculator with the green labels above the buttons. When I told my mum about my swapped thumbdrive this morning, I got a scolding from her by blaming me for not locking up my stuff properly. Do I even have a locker or a drawer to lock my things up in my room? Can I even lock my room when I always get scolding for locking up my room? My calculator can even gone missing when I kept it well inside my school bag. So what if I kept my things well, others will just swap it or take it away when they saw it. I simply hate my life to the core, I feel like ending my fragile life, why should I continue to live and suffer? All the best I had was taken away or swapped by others, yet I always act as I dont know. I hate my family for abusing me when I was young, and enjoy watching me being abused. I hate my family for letting my others to bully me when I was young and pushing the blames to me. I hate it when my friends dont understand and didnt pursue the truth, only Meijuan, Joanne and some of my classmates understand me so far. However the distance between me, Meijuan and joanne seems to drift further as both of them have their boyfriends, career and studies while I'm busying with my studies and work. I remembered bits and pieces of the past how people treat me. Beating my arm with a wooden brush till bleed, burning my fingers, whipping me with skipping rope, rubbing rare chilli against my lips till it swollen, scolding me and beating me when my broken toe was untreated with open wound. My love ran away, that 'womanL' called and hint me that they had sex. I'll get my tummy's tattoo covered up tomorrow with a phoenix, I'll forget about him, I dont need guys. Why do you people wanna erect these pains again? My life just sucks. Gonna drill my my chinese papers and 10 years series, not gonna let you guys look down on me. My life sucks. May 24 Would you be there?
Listen to this song, it's real nice. Would you be there - Redwan Ali If I were blue, would you be there for me,
May 23 The only way is to get into JC T.THad Chinese intensive lesson today again. Finally got back my chinese notes thanks to Jasmine. During recess today, I went to the back to look for Jasmine and talk to her. Who knows C appeared, and C talk to me in a very unwelcome tone, ' Walau why you come here'. I felt offenced by her crude remark and rebutted by saying, ' Why cant I be here? I'm here to look for Jasmine ok?' Tomorrow Jasmine will be moving to the front to study with us, hopefully there's only 1 vacant seat for Jasmine, so C cant tag along and we can study peacefully. Can anyone just tell me? Sometimes I felt that I was a really mean & crude person as I would say such nasty things about someone whom I detest here. I just simply cant forget how she treated me in the past when I see her. Well, maybe I should learn to forgive and to forget. Hating a person is really very tiring, but I dont understand why till now, she just loves to provoke me and passing crude remarks. Maybe she enjoys it, I dont care, as long as she dont step on my tail, I will just ignore her. Learnt some new interesting 成语 today during Chinese intensive lesson for example 纸老虎 which I think is match to me. 变色龙 is the most interesting 成语 I learnt as I think there are lots of such people exist and around me. Chinese intensive lessons are tiring but definitely fun. Well, as I grow up gradually, I realised that slowly many things seems to be significant to me. For example my planning for future career, family, friends, financial management and also studies. According to Miss Siew, most probably there wouldnt be any climatology diploma course offered in Singapore unless I go overseas to study it but there's Geography courses offered in the university locally, the only way for me to get in JC is to study hard and get into a JC then pass my GP and go into University. Needless to say, it's very hard as I'm extremely weak in POA which is 1 of the 6 subjects I had to push me into a JC. Sad to say, Singapore only have limited courses. 2 more Chinese papers to finish up and I can go back to sleep till the next morning. I'll try my best to strive for a B3 and above for my Chinese ! May 22 Expected reaction *I'll be quite busy these few days due to Chinese intensive lessons for my upcoming O level chinese papers. After it, I'll be busying drilling my other subjects for godness sake. As expected, I didnt worried for nothing at all when I borrowed my chinese important* notes to C. This morning I ask from her to get back my papers, and her answer was she forgot to bring. How the hell could it be? Since she said she will photocopy it yesterday and return to me before school ends, yet where's my paper now? Papers are normally kept in files, so expectedly she should kept my papers in her file, so how would she ever forget to return to me? Complaint this issue to my classmates, nagging and worrying about my chinese notes. According to my classmates, most of them detest her and some told me she borrowed Tetrina guitar notes and returned it to Tetrina 1 year later. Which means I can only get back my notes 1 year later when I was in polytechnic or others? Siewling also told me that C likes to backstab others, borrowing my notes to help her is just harming myself and helping someone who's not worth it. Holy shit, how blur am I? Or should I dont be so bias towards her as she might really forget about my notes? No, it's impossible, I cant forget how she bullied me in my lower secondary life, and her overbearing attitube. I'm afraid to get near her to get back my notes due to her freaking weird behaviour. ( She would scold someone who talks to her out of a sudden, especially when she's unwilling to return things back ) Guess what crude thing she said to me this morning when I lended her my notes out of kindness? When she comes into the chinese intensive class in the AVA room, there was an empty seat by my side, and Mdm Khong asked her to sit there. Her first nasty reaction is, ' Eee I dont wanna sit with that thing'. Hello, when had I become a 'thing'? Nobody wanna sit with you ok, especially me. Yesterday C was pestering my classmates and me to check for her chinese vocabs and sort of overbearing by asking Jieliang to let her use his electronic dictionary when the 6 of my classmates including me was sharing that 2 pathetic electronic dictionary. Today right before chinese intensive lesson, I had already planned with Yiling to sit at the back as I'm sick of C overbearing's actions, it was just so unlucky that the boys occupied the back of the seats and we need to seat back to our original position and I became a 'thing'. During chinese intensive lesson today, C also tried to talk to Adeline, but Adeline was a very straight forward person and she told me that she ignored C. Gosh, guess I gonna hide behind of Adeline or Yiwen during chinese intensive lesson incase I become a 'thing' again. Yiwen, I can pass my Chinese O level or not is all up to you tomorrow whether you can get back my chinese notes, I hates people blasting at me when I'm doing them a favour. Just received a message from Jasmine, she told me she'll help me to get back my notes by telling C that she wanna borrow it from me too. OMG we still need to go to the extent of raking our brains to get back my notes. Thanks my sexy jasmine =) Sometimes, I felt that no matters how dark my life is, I'm blessed with my good classmates and some friends. I'll miss them after graduating from my school. Because of them, I learnt to think a bit more wiser, study and to really care and treasure my good friends like yiling. Things doesnt goes well for me all the while, but they are always the one supporting me and encouraging me. I grown up because of them, my precious classmates. Ok enough of all this. Just found an old song from internet. 忘了他 (杜德偉) 忘了他 別再想他 他不值得讓你日夜的牽掛 忘了他 別再想他 他若懂得你的話 就不會笑你傻瓜 想給你很多 想疼你很久 想要抹去你的傷口 如果還有痛 請你對我說 你知道的 愛人可以像朋友 再坦然一些 別急著防備 你的過去我能瞭解 再絢爛的天 也不能掩蓋期待中 真心被撕裂 傷的那麼直接 忘了他 別再想他 他不值得讓你日夜的牽掛 忘了他 別再想他 他若懂得你的話 就不會笑你傻瓜  Thanks for visiting!  Please add a comment?   This is something like a tag box =)
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